Alanis Morissette has suggested that menopause can free women from the pressure to accommodate men, as she shared a provocative perspective on ageing, relationships and the patriarchy. The 52-year-old singer described the transition as 'just magic', arguing that hormonal changes associated with getting older can strip away the tolerance women have been conditioned to show towards others.
Appearing on Amy Poehler's podcast, Good Hang, Morissette was asked what she considered the best thing about being the age she is now. Her enthusiastic response was immediate: 'Everything. I highly recommend getting older.'
However, it was her subsequent comments about the male gaze and women's relationships that offered a particularly pointed perspective. The Grammy-winning musician suggested that women can spend much of their reproductive years accommodating others, only to discover a different sense of identity and independence as they approach menopause.
Alanis Morissette on menopause: “Everything’s through the male gaze. The hormones we have in this body are the procreative imperative: put a baby in me, I’m going to tolerate everything. Then you get closer to menopause, and all this scaffolding of cozy tolerance goes away.”
by u/mcfw31 in popculturechat
Menopause And The 'Male Gaze'
Explaining why she views menopause so positively, Morissette described it as a period of profound reassessment involving identity, relationships and personal values.
'Well, menopause is just magic,' she said, before listing the areas of life that can undergo significant changes.
'Everything. Identity, service, value systems, relationships. Who is God? How to talk to these parts, these billions of parts in here. Be responsible for what this is. And not make it everyone else's problem,' she explained.
She then turned to the influence of patriarchy, suggesting that women's experiences have long been shaped by expectations centred on men and their approval.
'If we're in the context of patriarchy, which we were and still are, everything's through the male gaze,' she said.
Morissette went on to discuss the relationship between reproductive hormones and women's willingness to tolerate certain behaviours from their partners.
'The hormones we have in this body is the procreative imperative. Put a baby in me, I'm gonna tolerate everything,' she said.
She suggested that this dynamic can change as women approach menopause, when hormonal shifts may alter their priorities and willingness to accommodate others.
'Then you get closer to menopause and progesterone, all the hormones are at zero. So all this sort of scaffolding of cotton balls and cozy tolerance, they go away,' she continued.
Her description of 'cozy tolerance' is particularly striking, suggesting that women may become less willing to cushion others from uncomfortable truths or put their own needs aside to maintain relationships.
Rather than describing ageing as something to resist, Morissette presented it as an opportunity to reconsider the expectations women have spent years navigating.
Women React To Her Comments
Her comments have prompted discussion about whether hormonal changes make women less tolerant of their male partners or simply allow them to recognise relationship problems they previously overlooked.
One commenter drew a comparison between menopause and the postpartum period, arguing that women are sometimes unfairly portrayed as irrational or difficult when their patience with their partners changes.
'I don't think that's true,' the commenter wrote, questioning the assumption that hormonal changes automatically make women unreasonable.
They added that some women may simply lose the patience to tolerate behaviour they would previously have accepted, concluding: 'I think maybe you're viewing him rationally for the first time ever.'
The observation offers another perspective on Morissette's comments, particularly her suggestion that women can become less accommodating as their priorities change.
However, the experience is not universal, and menopause can bring challenging physical and emotional symptoms for many women. Morissette's remarks should therefore be understood as her personal perspective on ageing, rather than a medical explanation of how hormonal changes affect relationships.
Ultimately, her message challenges the expectation that women should continually prioritise other people's comfort, even when doing so comes at the expense of their own identity and happiness. For Morissette, getting older is not something to apologise for, but an opportunity to stop viewing life through expectations shaped by the male gaze.
