When a mother on Manhattan's Upper West Side noticed her husband working from home seemed uncomfortable by the nanny's attire, she faced an unexpected domestic dilemma. How much influence should an employer have over what a household employee wears?
On Facebook, what started as unease over leggings and tight shirts quickly evolved into a heated discussion among a private group of wealthy parents.
The Facebook Conundrum
A mother posted anonymously in a Facebook group for Upper West Side parents to share her concerns. 'We (particularly my husband) have a bit of an issue with how she dresses', she wrote, describing outfits including thin leggings with no underpants and tight shirts.
The poster added that her husband's discomfort was understandable since he works from home and spends all day in the house. 'My husband mentions that he doesn't want our daughter to dress like that, but I think it also just makes him comfortable to work around her all day', she explained.
Users in the group were quick to respond with divided opinions, according to the Daily Mail. Some parents argued that the nanny should follow clear guidelines as an employee, while others highlighted the challenges of policing personal attire in a private home. Suggestions ranged from implementing a uniform, such as scrubs, to providing a budget for more conservative clothing.
Dress Codes vs Comfort
Unlike workplaces with formal policies, homes rarely come with established dress codes for household staff. Still, professional childcare organisations and agencies often offer guidance on appropriate attire that balances comfort, practicality, and professionalism.
Nannies are recommended to dress cleanly and modestly. They may choose garments that allow active engagement with children while avoiding ripped jeans, crop tops, tank tops, short shorts, or flip-flops. Close-toed shoes and modest clothing that covers the midriff and backside are encouraged.
Professional nanny attire should accommodate frequent movement, such as bending, lifting and playing, while retaining a neat appearance. They suggest durable, breathable fabrics and modest lengths for shorts and skirts that allow caregivers to work confidently.
Many experienced nannies say what matters most in daily work is comfort and coverage suitable for active childcare, but professional clothing can vary widely by family expectations. It could be helpful if the employer's preferences are discussed up front, particularly when outfits might be considered revealing in certain contexts.
Who Sets the Rules?
When someone works from home and the situation mixes personal and professional spaces, the question is who should set the rules.
Labour and domestic work advocates encourage creating positive and respectful working relationships with nannies by ensuring clear communication, fair agreements, and mutual respect. Establishing expectations around tasks, hours, privacy and even appearance helps prevent misunderstandings before they arise.
Many professional childcare employers, such as nurseries and childcare centres, enforce dress standards requiring clean and practical clothing that is modest, supportive of active engagement with children, and free from safety hazards like dangling jewellery. While home settings are inherently different, these standards offer a reference point for what families and caregivers might reasonably expect.
Balancing Boundaries and Respect
The debate in the Facebook group demonstrated just how subjective clothing norms can be. Some commenters argued that an employer should have clear authority to set wardrobe expectations, while others warned against policing a nanny's personal expression.
Domestic workers themselves often report varied approaches. Some families are informal and comfortable with casual clothing like leggings or shorts, while others clearly communicate a preference for smarter attire. Nannies often advise that parents should just ask them what they prefer instead of guessing.
One clear thing about the debate is that wardrobe doesn't exist in a vacuum. It intersects with workplace etiquette, respect, trust and dignity, especially in roles performed within someone's home.
What Parents Can Do
For families and nannies navigating similar dilemmas, the consensus among experts is simple: open dialogue and clarity work better than unspoken expectations. Always choose communication over assumption.
Rather than reacting to discomfort, families can set agreed-upon attire guidelines as part of the employment conversation. Nannies can also share their own needs for functionality and comfort. This approach fosters mutual respect and minimises tension when work and private life share the same space.
