An old Reddit post showing a husband's detailed record of his sex life with his wife has resurfaced on Reddit, sparking a fresh debate over whether keeping a spreadsheet of rejected attempts at intimacy is a reasonable way to document relationship problems or crosses a line.
The post was shared on the Reddit community r/SipsTea under the title 'Who's in the wrong here?' and included an image of a spreadsheet apparently documenting attempts at intimacy, including instances where sex was declined. The people involved are not identified in the post, so their identities and personal circumstances cannot be independently verified.
Husband Tracks Their Sex Life in Excel
The spreadsheet appears to track attempts at sexual intimacy between a married couple, with entries recording whether an attempt resulted in sex or was declined.
According to one detailed Reddit discussion of the post, the records appear to show the husband initiating intimacy roughly every one or two days, while sex occurred considerably less frequently. However, because the original post provides limited context about the couple, it is not possible to establish why the differences occurred or what conversations may have taken place between them.
That lack of context quickly became one of the main talking points in the comments.
Some Reddit users viewed the spreadsheet as evidence that the husband had been frustrated for some time and was attempting to document a pattern. Others felt that recording every rejection made the situation seem uncomfortable rather than constructive.
Reddit Questions the Record
The reaction was far from unanimous.
Some commenters argued that keeping a record could help when partners have very different recollections of how frequently they are intimate. One commenter described using a similar record after a disagreement with a former wife over how often they had sex, saying that keeping track was intended to establish what had actually happened.
Another commenter argued that some people need information presented clearly before they recognise a pattern, suggesting that a written record could potentially be used to support a difficult conversation.
But other users considered the spreadsheet unnecessarily transactional.
One commenter described tracking the rejections as 'petty', while another said the situation appeared to point towards a communication problem between the couple. Several users also suggested that differences in sexual desire can create serious tension in a relationship, although the Reddit discussion does not establish that any particular explanation applies to the couple in the original post.
Spreadsheet Does Not Tell the Whole Story
The biggest problem with judging the couple from the spreadsheet alone is that it records outcomes without providing the reasons behind them.
A rejection does not necessarily mean a lack of attraction or affection. A person may simply be tired, stressed, unwell or not interested in sex at a particular moment. Likewise, a difference in libido between partners does not automatically mean that either person is doing something wrong.
One of the more measured comments on the Reddit thread pointed out that the available information was not enough to determine whether the husband was being unreasonable or whether he was trying to demonstrate a problem that he felt had previously been dismissed. The commenter concluded that the couple needed to have an honest conversation about their relationship rather than relying solely on the spreadsheet.
Was the Tracking Fair?
There is no definitive answer based on the Reddit post alone.
Keeping a private record of relationship events is not necessarily proof of wrongdoing. At the same time, turning intimacy into a running tally could understandably feel uncomfortable or pressuring to a partner, particularly if the record is used to make them feel guilty for saying no.
Ultimately, the spreadsheet cannot determine who is 'in the wrong'. It only provides one narrow view of a private relationship. What it has done, however, is prompt a surprisingly large debate about sex, communication, rejection and the difficulty of measuring intimacy inside a marriage one Excel cell at a time.
